Drunk Guy

Dearest Drunk Man at my Drive-Thru Window,

You caught my eye this morning when you fought with your door to get out in the drive-thru. I thought to myself "Now there's a man that's hot. I like men that fight with car doors." You're hot. You really are. I should have grabbed some oven mitts. When you saw me staring, you never once thought "She's giving me that look like I'm totally fucked up." Instead you thought " She thinks I'm hot! She's hot too! We're so hot we could be a desert... or is that dessert...? No matter! We're hot and we should be hot for eachother. We could make babies together!" I open the drive-thru window and you sauvely say to me "You're really beautiful". To which I reply "Uh... thanks." and hand you what ever it was I handed you. I wish I had made that for you. Then I could say that I made something for a man who totally tripped my trigger. A man who floated my boat. A man who made me feel like... Somebody who just fucking woke up and got hit on by a drunk man! Awesome!

So there you were, and there I was. I remember the details so clearly it's startling to me. You said "I'm looking for my cellphone. It fell back here." Here being the back seat of your car. You're digging through the debris and hoping you'll find a small object that rings when rung. You explain that it will likely drive you crazy. (Where as I heard that your driving put you all over the road this morning.) Then you ask me if I have a phone handy. Cuz... you know when you call a cellphone it rings! (When rung....) Sadly I told you that I did not. You said that it was just your way of trying to give me your cellphone number. I shrug and say "Oh." then I tell you to have a nice day.

Our transaction ended right there.... But you're still in my mind. That's what every woman wants to meet first thing in the morning.

Stay hot,

Donut Girl

Muses Big and Small

Right now I'm thinking about puppets. Sock puppets without socks. Creating something more elaborate than I have so far. I was asked "Why do you make dolls?" and I said "Because I can".

It was funny to spend the entire day at work sitting on my ass and not serving coffee. It gave me an opportunity to sit down and talk to my co-workers, and to talk to my boss more. Politely he thinks we're all kind of fucked up and that he doesn't want to know any of outside of work. While he didn't actually come out and say that we're fucked up, he did indeed tell us that he didn't want to know us outside of work. Of course this was after I explained that my sophmore year of highschool I insisted that people call me "God". He acts as though it was yesterday and not nearly 20 years ago. Silly man.

I still want to be called God. You don't really need to do anything. Alls you have to do is simply 'be'. No work necessary and no need to truly care. That's what being God is all about. Just like the Hokey Pokey.

Fingers and a Pop Quiz

Fingers are for slicing. I've come to realize that. The general public wants to tell you that fingers are for grabbing things, picking things up, for touching people, for poking food. Fingers are for playing instruments, fingers are for making clothing, fingers are for drawing pictures. No. Fingers are for slicing. You can't tell me what fingers are for. I know what they're for. You won't lie to me. I won't heards your words. Fingers are for cleaning. No. Fingers are for slicing. Just because I happen to clean with them, that doesn't mean that they were meant for such menial tasks.

I am like a starfish. Fingers grow right back.

Okay... now pop quiz time. What are fingers for????

Auto Auto the Robot Girl

I didn't realize that I was a machine recording. I didn't realize you could just flip a switch on me and make me say what you wanted me to say. I could be knocked over with a feather. So shocked am I!

Forgive me, but I must chuckle.

The other day I answered the phone at work (as it was ringing and for some reason they get annoyed when you're not busy and you don't answer the phone when it's ringing.) With a cheerful patter and an apparently even cadence- I delivered my customary phone greeting. There is a slight pause as the man on the other end insists that he's tried calling on numerous occasions and left messages. It's apparently in the best interests of the person he was looking for to call him at his 1-800 number. Which he left like he was talking to an answering machine. I did not help matters by letting him talk free of interuption. I just stood there listening. Thinking half way through that the man on the other end feels he's reached a machine. Don't you usually leave a message after the beeps? Forgive me (and a thousand pardons to my ancestors) if beeps have been removed from message machines. He ends his message. I thought somewhere in there "Should I ask him if he thinks he's talking to a machine?" Then I realize that it would spoil my amusement to say anything. I hang up after he says 'good-bye'. My face was a priceless mask of incredulousity (don't know if that's a word, but it works so I'm using it. If 'ensorceled' can be a legit word, I'm using incredulousity.) She asks me "What?" I cannot answer. I start laughing and find that I cannot stop laughing. I even had to wipe away tears. So... I would like to thank the man that called up my place of work the other day. You've provided me with intense moments of unrestrained laughter. Thank you for your contribution to my amusement.

Chasing the Bean

Thou art a crafty bean. A lewd creature; but a crafty one. Do you think that I did not understand your plan all along? The plan where you would fall from the bag of your companions and bury yourself in my cleavage? Dirty little bean. I give you credit for trying something new. Sky diving into the vast curves of my decidedly feminine chest is something that most would not think to do. Yet you thought of it and tried it. Good show old bean! But thou art still lewd.

What did I do today?

Today I made a pie and some flippers. Whereas yesterday I merely flipped people off.

Chaos in the New Year

Everyone always gets introspective when it comes to the new year. A lot of people make resolutions. I am resolute in that I will never make a resolution. In most cases people break their resolutions almost immediately, then spend the rest of year saying "Next year I'm gonna do it..." Aww bitch, you're not. So why resolve to be resolute? Phhffbbtt...

There are things I'd like to do. There are things I'm always working on doing. The things I'm always working on have to do with me on the inside. They're things that most people won't ever see, but I do because I live in my own skin 24 hours a day. Even on holidays! Wow! I work on my spiritual and hope that somewhere in there I learn enough shit to retain it and move ahead. The stuff I want to do are little things like drawing, writing, creating pieces of inspiration. Self expression mostly. I think perhaps that might even be helpful to the inner me. Outter me expressing the inner me makes a better me, you see?

I never said a 'saner ' me. That's relative anyway.

What was I like this time last year? Sad as shit. Heartbroken, dismayed and betrayed. How am I this time this year? Just peachy. Got a few more eye circles to show for it, but the head space is better. It's just a little sacrifice you know?

I can't resolve to do something that I really don't want to do. I can only resolve to go with the flow and change the flow according to my whim. Chaos is creation. Everything becomes created. I like to think of Chaos as a swirling mass. A tidal pool of inspiration just waiting to happen.

Let's go play in the pool.

You're In the Way

You're in the way of my car. Did you think they made the sidewalk just for you? They didn't. They made it for me. Please remove yourself from my sidewalk. I have places to go and things to see, and I don't need to be pulling your teeth out of my bumper.