Swear Your Fecality

It is worth mentioning that occasionally I too can be disturbed by something. My mind can mull over something and reach the conclusion: well this is fucked. What should have been a break from the mundanicity of work proved to be a study in... well... that "OH DEAR GOD!!!"

Bow low before the porcelain God. Offer your brown libations at the nearest bowl. Behold! For I have seen the face of evil. Foul and wretched it is.

I never realized that there are times when it appears that someone cannot stop shitting. I mean... One can understand that sometimes you have to go, then go again. This does not seem the issue. But to fill half a toilet bowl with something resembling a rather thick batter? Insanity has taken hold of my rectum! Or someone else's as the case is in this instance. I spied before me a bowl filled with butt batter. The toilet could not flush; as it was saying "I can only take so much from you!" Armed with cleaning supplies and my trusty fecallic wand, I proceeded to attempt to dislodge the evil spirit possessing the modern chamber pot. I think I threw up a little in my mouth. I averted my gaze momentarily and swore a great blue oath. I steeled myself and returned to my task most heinous. It was then that I made note that this... this foul ass expulsion seemed filled with shreds of baby carrot. The horror!

It was not quite over with. On the floor was a paper of some length befouled with this brown atrocity. The shame! How could thou defilest the floor with thy ass batter?! I cleaned the floor. But wait! There was more! On the ring of chamber pot perching, there was still more! And the wall was a veritable spattering of arcane and evil glyphs besmudging the textured paper of the wall. The shame! Lament! Cry to the heavens! How could thou have done such a deed! I cry a foul on thy name vile contaminator!

I emerged triumphant; and settled my nerves with another 20 ounces of espresso laden coffee. Perhaps only to get the taste from my mouth. Real or imagined.

My day in Mundania.