Oh dirty mind. How you think things that shouldn't be thought. How you get me in trouble. You're in it behind my back with my mouth. Making me say perverse things. Do you really want to get me in trouble??
Yes you do.
I can tell.
And what do people really do with a dozen heated jelly munchkins in a lonely motel at night? You can't tell me that I am the only one who would come to that conclusion.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Dear MF, You parked in my spot
Dear Mother Fuck,
You parked in my spot. Maybe you didn't realize that you were part of that "Non-permit vehicles will be towed at owner's expense"? Perhaps it was just an over-sight on your part? Maybe if you took a look around? Hm... What's different about your vehicle? You know the part where everyone has a sticker? Oh? That's an oversight. Maybe you're just being a rebel. They issued you a permit, but you're one of those kids that refused to color in the lines and conform. The kid that painted their skies green and their grass blue- just because you didn't march to the conformist drummer? Maybe you just want to be different: just like everyone else?
Well you see my face bitch? I'm not amused. Not in the least bit. I have to get up fucking early in the morning because you can't walk your fucking ass from the front of the building to the side. All because you're visiting someone. I'm having to park in a parking garage. Maybe I can find a sex offender in it. I can park my car and get diddled by a pervert- just because you want to fucking park in my space. Oh... what? You didn't see my name on it? You're right. I get carried away. I'm sorry Mother Fuck. My bad. It doesn't really have my name on it. I only have a fucking permit and you don't.
Suck the shit out of my ass bitch. I hope your fucking tires turn into squares during the night. And your car turns into a block of limburger cheese. People will know you're a Mother Fuck that parks in permit parkings spots then. Won't you feel stupid in your stink wagon. Asshole.
I hope your night sucks.
-Permit Parker
You parked in my spot. Maybe you didn't realize that you were part of that "Non-permit vehicles will be towed at owner's expense"? Perhaps it was just an over-sight on your part? Maybe if you took a look around? Hm... What's different about your vehicle? You know the part where everyone has a sticker? Oh? That's an oversight. Maybe you're just being a rebel. They issued you a permit, but you're one of those kids that refused to color in the lines and conform. The kid that painted their skies green and their grass blue- just because you didn't march to the conformist drummer? Maybe you just want to be different: just like everyone else?
Well you see my face bitch? I'm not amused. Not in the least bit. I have to get up fucking early in the morning because you can't walk your fucking ass from the front of the building to the side. All because you're visiting someone. I'm having to park in a parking garage. Maybe I can find a sex offender in it. I can park my car and get diddled by a pervert- just because you want to fucking park in my space. Oh... what? You didn't see my name on it? You're right. I get carried away. I'm sorry Mother Fuck. My bad. It doesn't really have my name on it. I only have a fucking permit and you don't.
Suck the shit out of my ass bitch. I hope your fucking tires turn into squares during the night. And your car turns into a block of limburger cheese. People will know you're a Mother Fuck that parks in permit parkings spots then. Won't you feel stupid in your stink wagon. Asshole.
I hope your night sucks.
-Permit Parker
Monday, October 5, 2009
Training Day
Oh grand and glorious training day! How I've looked forward to you for so long. Dwindling away on nights I am! 'Tis most foul. My soul cries and laments over my lost days! Weep I say! Weep! Though the night 'tis quite dark, I find that I may not traverse it alone. I am not alone, for I have Shane to keep me company.
I digress most egregiously. 'Tis training day as I hath said before. This brave warrior shall don her armor of Dunkin's splendor. Standing radiantly before the statue of my Creamer Gods. I will say a minor prayer before showing my young acolyte the ways of the Dunkin craft. These words echo forth upon the night time wind:
These are the says of the wise ones.
I digress most egregiously. 'Tis training day as I hath said before. This brave warrior shall don her armor of Dunkin's splendor. Standing radiantly before the statue of my Creamer Gods. I will say a minor prayer before showing my young acolyte the ways of the Dunkin craft. These words echo forth upon the night time wind:
Ye shall know how to take it.
Ye shall know how to make it.
Ye shall know how to ring it.
Ye shall know how to greet it and send it forth.
Ye shall know the what 'tis right.
Ye shall know what 'tis wrong.
For if thou dost forgeteth; thy job shall be terminated.
These are the says of the wise ones.
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