Teeth are for Yanking

Or so I have found... Teeth are for yanking. Yanking isn't just for legs anymore. Pull a tooth! It's quite fun. I'll be willing to bet you've not pulled a tooth out since you were a kid wiggling one back and forth in your mouth. My last baby tooth was removed by me yesterday. I thought perhaps I should maybe make some sort of Eulogy. So here it is... Ode to my tooth...

Oh little tooth of mine; you saw me past the age of nine. You were there for everything; though you never helped me sing. Little tiny tooth of child; sitting there looking so small and mild. You were ripped straight from my head; some time yesterday before I went to bed. I will miss you so; but it was time for you to go. Oh little tooth of mine; in my memories you'll always shine.

Randomly Laughing At the Nude Public

I think people must be ultra polite or maybe they're just scared. No one mentions it when I'm randomly laughing about things at work. Maybe they're just afraid I'll share with them? Who knows.

I think I must smile more than I think I do. Or I'm good at plastering a close semblance. Either that or they're laughing at the short kid. Could be any of those. People tend to smile at me. Perhaps they're just laughing because I'm serving them coffee.

It's the highlight of my evening when drunk men come in to ask me for sex. There's just something attractive and stimulating about the Dunkins uniform. I can see why they'd want me. I smell like burned coffee and anger. Who wouldn't?

This all makes me think of the Serta sheep. You know the one that people don't count because they have new Serta mattresses? I can count mine. I have one. How many people can say that??? Ha.

Random thought for the moment: hypoallergenic pesticides.

I Am Sporkana Veta... Queen of the Sentient Sporks

The odd thing about sporks is that somehow they have become pop-culture. Who would have thought that the love child of a spoon and a fork could be... popular? Hm... What does this say about our culture in general? It says "Where do I get one?" and "Should I build an altar to it??" The answer to the second question is "Yes you should. Sporks like offerings of things that can be eaten with both a spoon or a fork. You validate it's very cosmic existence when you use it for potatoes with gravy. Bring plenty of meat syrup and physically disrupted potatoes (with milk and butter of course!) We shall dance, revel and make love! The spork demands it!" The answer to the first question is: "First you must accept that the Spork is your true God. Only then will the path be illuminated."

Even twinkies are pop-culture.

The difference between sporks and twinkies? Sporks are sentient caring creatures. They're divine creatures! Of course they're sentient (don't be stupid!) Twinkies are just undying cakes filled with 'kreme'. If it weren't for the fact that you can take them into direct sunlight, I'd say twinkies were vampires. Immortal things. Perhaps I am on to the secret behind twinkies. This blows our theories of vampires up! Vampires CAN travel in sunlight! They can't turn into mists or bats... but... they look like golden snack cakes... Dear God! We're fucked!

Vampires are also pop-culture.

Phhfft! What isn't these days?

I'm Roving, But I'm Not Jack

The first of May was Moving Day...
Arriving with books and funny looks...
Statues of pagan Gods in hand,
Many of my neighbors from a foreign land.
I live upon the top most floor,
And learned just what a deadbolt's for.
I stand on the balcony just for fun,
And wave to each and every one.
Knowing the door's nearby keeps me safe;
I'm the roving pagan wraith!

Lol, you have to love moving to a new place. Hope your day is filled with amusing stares.

-A