If I were a super hero it would give me an excuse to wear spandex. Something super stretchy that people must by law forgive because you're saving humanity's ass. Oh yes, I'd wear fucking spandex. I'd wear thigh-high boots. And I'd have a super power that would allow me to defeat all the evil in the world. I'd even have a super hero name. I'd be Captain Fistfuck. Everything has an ass right? Everyone evil has one. They don't expect it. People of an evil persuasion would see me in my lycra and say "Well that's a super hero! You won't defeat me! *evil laughter*" I'd fix my steely blue eyes upon them and place my hands upon my hips in a heroic way. A sudden wind would come up and blow my cape about me. I would smile and say "You want to bet?" Then of course I'd laugh triumphantly. I'd raise a fist and they'd think I was going to hit them. Instead I'd just run behind them and shove my fist up their ass. I can see it now... Those exciting little bubbles you see in comic strips during action sequences. You can see "POW!" and "OOF!" in exciting little jagged bubbles.
Take that evil! Score five fingers for the home team! Make way for Captain Fistfuck.
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