And so we meet again my friend. Again, again, again... Last time we spoke, your words were as pleasurable as a cheese grater rubbed on road rash with lemon juice. How it brings joy to my eyes! I feel myself swoon. Imagine my surprise and elation to see you peering from your car at me. Your bright blue eyes like great saucery moons of twin hatred. I sense a certain amount of resentment aimed at me from your general direction. Come now... How hurt I feel that you would choose to feel this way about your dearest new friend! I cry myself to sleep a thousand times to learn that you do not like me.
Oh weep and lament!! My heart seeps with untold animousity. My soul tears into a thousand sad little faces that you should be angry at me... because I wouldn't give you an employee discount at my drive-thru. Can you ever forgive me blessed peach of the sun?? Would it help if I whipped myself soundly? Oh dastardly days! I know that it matters not to you that you do not actually find employment within my establishment. And perhaps you believe that by wearing your work hat I shall be impressed. Oddly... upon contemplation I am not impressed. I only find myself entertaining thoughts of pickleforks and your twin moons of hatred.
I smile with smug enthusiasm in your direction and utter the most important phrase in history "Bring it on."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment